At all hours I look at plants,
If I’m not looking, I am thinking about them.
My love of nature is expansive,
Intense as a love affair,
Meeting in secret, just to stroke its leaves.
I am half garden/half girl.
Somedays I am half lonely/half depressed,
But those days are over, or at least minimized
Because I have strongly stood up and said “no more.”
When I want to see flowers, I go in the backyard or stare
Around the living room at the miscellany of cut flowers
Found at markets, brought home in huge bunches.
Outside they still grow, and I cut the coral roses and bring them inside,
Because of the romance and the scent and there must be a place for them
Amidst all this green and clutter and attempt to build a home, a world, that is
Entirely, endearingly, my own.
Outside I water with an old grey hose. I spray the bases of the roses,
The purple flowering succulent, the orange, intoxicating marigolds,
As well as the pile of mint that grows out of control, like I do at times,
Wanting to blow up my life or run away.
But those days are gone. Because mother is gone, not just in reality this time,
But she is out of my body. I was in bed for a decade, performing my own surgery
To rid myself of her, we were conjoined, I spent my life trying to save her,
While she abused me and our veins and sinew braided up into one giant
Ball of terror. Even with this new freedom, I still can’t sleep. While in bed for a
Decade, very few brought me flowers, so I make up for it now. I buy myself flowers.
I grow plants and love and cherish them, My house is full of life, my soul
Is beginning to fill too.
