Hi Sweets!
I decorated for Christmas yesterday (everything but the tree). R and I like celebrating early because we just love the holidays so much. It took me about two hours to set everything up. I'm proud of myself because my depression usually keeps me glued to the bed unless I have a doctors appointment, or am running errands with R. So it was a step in the right direction! I'm going to go to Target today to see if they have any more small bottle brush trees because I want more for the mantle. A ton of our decor is vintage. Stuff I found at thrift stores or off Etsy. If you get stuff off Etsy, buy it long before Christmas, thats when the prices are lower. I love all the cute wonky vintage goodies, some of my favorites! Also the sparkly pink deer is from Paper Chase and I got it last year. I wish I bought more than one! (I know I can edit these pictures and their sizes and make them look much prettier, but honestly, I'm just fucking exhausted and this is the best I can do right now. ) ❤️
Today I am going to make Chex Mix which is kind of our kickoff to the the holidays. I put sriracha, honey roasted peanuts, and red pepper flakes in ours. I love the sweet and spicy combo. I think I need to get some coke because its just the best combo (Coca Cola not cocaine, although today I'd accept either). 😂
I'm so ready to live my life on my terms. Its so hard though! Today R is out of town but I have to run some errands on my own, that is very scary for me. I also had a very bad nights sleep. But I just have to keep going and not give up, things will come together eventually.
So todays project is going through my vanity area. I have this gorgeous vintage desk I got as a teen, which I wrote about in one of my poems (sharing less because I want the book to be a surprise). What I wrote was very powerful. It was describing the desk as a monster that watches me, but at the same time realizing that I own that desk, I can do what I want to do with it. So today I want to take ownership, I want to make it Catherine's vanity area. I want it to be a place where I am calm and enjoy myself.
I'm nervous about it because I can anticipate that at first it will be triggering. Right now it is so full of clothes and things that the desk is barely visible. But I know I can do this, I know I need to do this. Our bedroom is actually nice and decluttered other than for the vanity space so I know it will improve my anxiety and help me sleep better.
I miss dressing up and wearing makeup! I have so much lovely makeup, gorgeous costume jewelry, and clothes so it's really a pity that I live almost exclusively in pjs. I just know this is the depression and not me, but it's been very hard to get myself to a place where I can get dolled up and go out on my own. I know the vanity being set up will really help me want to dress up and wear makeup more.
Wish me luck! I'll take some before and after photos to share!
xo, Catherine
